When you graduate college everyone thinks life is supposed to get so much better... no more papers to write or grades to receive; instead it is a whole new world, that is supposed to be full of opportunity. Getting a job, earning money and living YOUR life, which you probably dreamed about since you were 15. Some of us ever younger. If I could tell myself two years ago to SLOW DOWN and not want graduation so bad, I would. This is not to say that I did not party like crazy and make so many great memories, but once graduation day was over I felt LOST....
I know life has ups and downs and ins and outs, but it is learning to over come those things to be a bigger and stronger person that really knocks you out. Believe me I've had my fair share of let downs since graduation day....every path I was on turned out somehow not to be the right one and I was left to pick myself up and figure out how to continue on. Now some of these were extremely unexpected and some were my own bad choices. I was forced to learn things I never thought I would .... Now two years later I find myself boyfriend less, no occupational future, and broken.
Over the past two years I have been in an out of jobs. I have learned how to handle getting fired, living unemployed and how to over come a shitty work environment. I racked up credit card debit you would not believe because I refuse to accept that I cant live the way I want to, which all lead to saving next to nothing or figuring out some way to blow everything. Living at the chaos at home does not help make anything seem easier. Lastly, I trusted someone deeply and gave him my whole heart and we were together for 6 years I thought we made it through the challenge of time and had experience things most people would never understand....Everything I did for him was supposed to be forever, at least I though it was until he woke up one day and said he didn't love me .... turns out he was a liar and a cheater. He walked away from everything our savings, the car I helped him get, our past memories and the future we have planned together, all for a girl that made his lunch at the nearby deli. Not quite the catch I though I invested that much time in.
I look at this path and know there are people out there dealing with way worse, but I also look at it and think what the heck have you accomplished in 2 years that was worth spending 40 grand a year on school for....NOTHING
However, in a weird way it is the first time I slowed down and noticed something was not right with myself, I had been spending so much time trying to help everyone around me that I wasn't paying enough attention to my own problems. As my mom said Brittany, "Now all the temporary bandaids you have been putting on for two years are off. All your wounds are open and instead of looking to someone else to fill the void.... It is up to you to fix yourself and figure out what you want." One of the biggest lessons this journey has taught me that you are the only one that cares about your personal journey because guess what, nothing and no one in life is a guarantee except YOURSELF.
With this blog I want to share some of the struggles that I am going through and how I learned from all of the spears life has thrown at me, which I definitely did not plan on. I am on a path to find myself, get back to my roots and do what I enjoy or I want to do. In a weird way I am excited and scared shitless about all of this change, but I want to share it.
No comments:
Post a Comment